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Thanksgiving Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Off All Those Pumpkin-Spiced Calories You Ate This Month

Forget about the wishbone, these are all about the funny bone!


Thanksgiving: A time to be grateful, a time to reminisce and rejoice with our loved ones, a time to stuff ourselves with turkey and all the delicious trimmings, and yes, even a time for football. But the most important ingredient in any Thanksgiving celebration: a sense of humor! How else to get through Uncle Harvey snoring on the couch after dinner and one-too-many mulled ciders, or Aunt June asking if you’re keeping things spicy in the bedroom? Below, we’ve rounded up the funniest Thanksgiving jokes, memes, cartoons, celebrity quotes and more to keep you smiling from appetizers through dessert!

For more funny memes, jokes (including our best nurse jokes), cartoons and more, consider subscribing to our print magazine, where we feature funny jokes in every issue!

Thanksgiving jokes: Why didn't the cook season the Thanksgiving turkey? There was no thyme!
Thanksgiving jokes: Cartoon of pilgrim men playing ball while pilgrim women prepare the meal and caption "Perhaps in years to come, women will be able to enjoy a feast without having to watch me play a game."
Bob Vojtko
Thanksgiving jokes: Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use fowl language!
Thanksgiving jokes: Why do Pilgrims' pants keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Thanksgiving jokes: Kid hiding the scale with caption, "Mom and Dad asked me to hide the scale until Thanksgiving is over."
Bob Vojtko
Thanksgiving jokes: Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner? He was ready for a roast!
Thanksgiving jokes: Cartoon of turkey paying off the Grinch saying, "How much for stealing Thanksgiving?"
Van Scott III
Thanksgiving jokes: Why did the band ask the turkey to join their group? Because he brought his own drumsticks!
Thanksgiving jokes: Cartoon with husband saying to wife, "Why doesn't pumpkin pie count as a vegetable?"
Bob Vojtko
Thanksgiving jokes: Cartoon with turkey at table ready to eat and caption "I guess they're serving prime rib for dinner"
Norman Jung
Thanksgiving jokes: Cartoon with 2 women and 1 saying, "I think Thanksgiving is way scarier than Halloween once you see how many pounds you've gained"
Bob Vojtko
Thanksgiving jokes: What do you get when you ross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving jokes: Cartoon with turkey at fortune teller and she says, "Avoid Thanksgiving dinner invitations"
Daniel Roberts

Thanksgiving has gone to the dogs!

Thanksgiving jokes: Two dogs at Thanksgiving table with caption "Don't worry, we were going to say grace first"
Lew Robertson/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images

Kids say the darndest things…

Thanksgiving jokes: Funny things kids say, girl wants "girlsenbarry" pie instead of boysenberry
Thanksgiving jokes: Funny things kids say
Thanksgiving jokes: The things kids say

And sometimes, celebrities say the darndest things!

Thanksgiving jokes: Jimmy Fallon saying," Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, 'the busy season'"
Frederick M. Brown/Stringer/Getty Images
Thanksgiving jokes: Reese Witherspoon saying, "Gratitude is when someone else cooks while you open the wine…Happy Thanksgiving, folks!"
James Devaney/Contributor/Getty Images
Thanksgiving jokes: Ellen DeGeneres saying, "I love Thanksgiving. When else can you eat too much and watch football? Except for like every weekend"
Anthony Harvey/Contributor/Getty Images
Thanksgiving jokes" Jimmy Fallon saying, "A new survey of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner, which makes sense, if you consider them saying, 'That smells good,' to be helping"
NBC/Contributor/Getty Images
Thanksgiving jokes: Jimmy Kimmel saying, "Thanksgiving: The day on which we get together with our families to give thanks…mostly that we don't live with them anymore"
Michael Tullberg/Contributor/Getty Images

Expectation versus reality: Thanksgiving edition

Thanksgiving jokes: How we imagine our family after Thanksgiving (playing football in the yard) versus What our family actually does after Thanksgiving dinner (couple asleep on the couch)
Ariel Skelley/Getty Images; Getty
Thanksgiving jokes: Women's idea of the perfect Thanksgiving with family saying grace around the table vs. Men's idea of the perfect Thanksgiging watching the game in football jerseys with foam fingers
Media Bakery; J. Feingersh/Masterfile
Thanksgiving jokes: The napkin display we plan to put out for Thanksgiving (elaborate) vs. the Thanksgiving napkin display we put out (simple)
millefloreimages/Fotolia; Lumina Images/Getty Images

And finally…

Thanksgiving jokes: 5 things you don't want to hear from Thanksgiving guests

For even more laughs, click through the links below!

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