Kelly Clarkson Gets Candid About Brandon Blackstock Relationship, Divorce and More Revelations on ‘We Can Do Hard Things’ Podcast

The full truth. Kelly Clarkson hasn’t held back when talking — or singing — about her ex Brandon Blackstock.

The “Miss Independent” songstress, 41, got candid about her messy divorce from Blackstock, 46, during the Monday, June 12, episode of “We Can Do Hard Things With Glennon Doyle” podcast. “If there’s always this tug-of-war happening, like, ‘Oh my god I love you, but god I hate you, you are just horrible.’ That’s not healthy,” she confessed. “That’s just emotionally going 9-0 … but you finally get away from that and you realize how ‘OK this actually feels better.’”

The former American Idol champion married Blackstock in 2013 and the pair share daughter River Rose, 8, and son Remington, 7. Us Weekly confirmed in June 2020 that Clarkson filed for divorce after seven years of marriage. Following their split, the twosome engaged in a messy legal battle fighting over their marital assets, including Clarkson’s Montana residence where Blackstock resided and custody of their two minor children — which went on for two years.

In March 2022, the Kelly Clarkson Show host agreed to pay her ex-husband a one-time sum of $1.3 million and $115,000 per month in spousal support until January 2024. The “Since U Been Gone” singer also agreed to pay Blackstock $45,601 a month in child support until their kids are no longer minors. Clarkson, meanwhile, was awarded primary custody of their little ones while Blackstock received monthly visitations. In May 2023, Clarkson revealed she and her kids were moving to the East Coast for her talk show as it relocates to film in New York City.

“Any kind of dependency [in a relationship] I feel like takes away from what the core loving relationship should be. No, I don’t need you for any of that, I’m choosing you,” Clarkson explained to host Glennon Doyle. “I could freely be giving it to anyone and I’m freely giving it to you and only you. I think that’s so beautiful … [and some] people don’t agree.”

Earlier this month, the Grammy winner released her 10th studio album, Chemistry, which detailed her past romance and the changes she made to her personal life. During her Monday appearance on the podcast, Clarkson explained she went “back and forth” about having the record start at the beginning of her relationship but felt “sonically it was odd.”

“The whole [relationship] was a rollercoaster,” she quipped. “It’s fine if the [track] sequencing is that … but that’s how you feel when you go through something.”

Keep scrolling for Clarkson’s biggest revelations about Blackstock:

Lust at First Sight

“The first time I met my ex, he passed by me, and I felt altered, I felt different … I never felt like that before. I will take your clothes off with my teeth …  that kind of carnal [reaction] … it wasn’t for years later until we [ran into each other again,]” Clarkson confessed of how her and Blackstock’s passionate romance began. “I wouldn’t settle, that’s the difference. Once you feel something like that, once you know that [feeling] exists you’re like, ‘Well I’m not settling until I feel that again’ because we deserve that …  it’s a beautiful high of course we gravitate towards that and of course we make stupid decisions when it comes to that, and it feels so good.”

Contemplating the Breakup

Before calling it quits for good, the “Stronger” artist was unsure if divorce was the right move. “Love is tricky. It really convinces you that you’re doing the right thing, or this is what you should do,” she admitted. “It’s just a very hard thing when you love someone so deeply to separate that.”

Dimming Her Light

“I allowed [losing my light] to happen … by no means am I a victim in that you allow someone to do that,” she said. “You maybe don’t notice you’re doing it and it’s imperceptible, it’s gradual and you don’t even realize it’s happening.”

The Back and Forth

“If there’s always this tug-of-war happening, like, ‘Oh my god I love you, but god I hate you, you are just horrible. That’s not healthy,” Clarkson recalled. “That’s just emotionally going 9-0 … but you finally get away from that and you realize how ‘OK this actually feels better.’”

Feeling Stuck

“I felt limited [in my marriage] and I don’t think that’s necessarily the truth for all marriages, I just think that was my case,” the “Because Of You” artist reflected. “Maybe as in love as [I was] I just wasn’t ready and maybe the other person wasn’t either. You just try and make it work and it doesn’t.”

Thinking of Her Kids

“Oh man, I wonder how [divorce is] going to affect [my kids]. I remember how it affected me and [Brandon] also has been through divorce in his family. Nobody wants that,” she said. “You try, and you try and you try but then you figure out well I don’t want them growing with this unhealthy [dynamic] … it doesn’t matter either way you go your kids still have a hard time.”

A Clean Slate

“I don’t collect red flags anymore. I definitely look at them … I at least recognize it,” Clarkson admitted. “It’s a very hard thing to give that up because it’s also a beautiful thing to see potential in people and it’s also a beautiful thing to not give up.”

On Getting Married Again

While Clarkson is hopeful to fall in love again, she admitted she doesn’t see herself walking down the aisle for a second time anytime soon. “I think marriage is beautiful, I think it’s amazing, I just don’t think that it is necessarily for everyone,” she said. “I don’t feel like everybody needs to do the same thing because we are all at different points in our lives.”

What She Learned

“To boil it down, I feel like it’s not only [being] honest about those around me but [to be] honest about myself,” she confessed. “I think we mold things and shape them to justify them instead of just being truly honest about what’s really happening because you don’t want it to be that way.”

This article originally appeared on our sister site, US Weekly.