Getting divorced, even when it’s as amicable and efficient as possible, is still pretty awful.
It’s costly and, more often than not, it takes an emotional toll on you as you undergo massive transitions you never anticipated having to make and work to forge a new path forward.
It’s also common to feel especially alone when getting divorced — not only due to your partner’s absence, but because the process is an isolating experience in and of itself, particularly if you don’t know many others who have gone through it. Each person’s situation is unique, and it’s difficult to feel like others can relate to what you’re feeling and experiencing on a daily basis.
And — on a personal note — I didn’t want to get divorced. I never imagined that my marriage would fall apart in the way that it did.
But I also don’t look back on my divorce with regret.
Without delving into the subjective territory of my particular relationship, I thought it might be helpful to share and explain some of the more objective reasons why I don’t regret having gone through a divorce, because I feel they might also prove pertinent to others who’ve been through, or may one day go through, the process themselves.
With that as a preface, here is why I don’t regret getting divorced:
I personally believe that we have the ability to learn something from each tough experience that we face in our lives. Each trial we have to navigate presents us with an opportunity to learn and grow, to make changes, to improve, and to become better versions of ourselves.
When something crappy happens, we (alone) get to choose how to respond to and move forward from it. And while that responsibility may feel onerous to take on at times, I would argue that it’s also pretty empowering. Because it grants us the option to make the very most of any situation in which we find ourselves.
What’s more, our experience of suffering through one of life’s many trials and tribulations (whether it comes in the form of grappling with a mental or physical challenge, grieving over someone’s death, or surviving a relationship crumbling) can give us more emotional depth — more humility, empathy, and compassion — that we can then extend to others.
I’m grateful to have gone through my divorce, even though it’s not what I wanted at the time. Because going through that experience made me stronger — made me more conscious of who I am and who I want to be. It inspired me to learn and grow and give back.
Getting divorced made me who I am today. And I’m happier, stronger, and healthier (both mentally and physically) than ever before in my life.
Navigating my way through that tough ordeal enabled me to tap into a level of strength I never knew I had or could even access. It taught me to look inward instead of outward for love and validation. And it ultimately showed me that I’m all I need.
After coming out on the other side of things, what I’d ultimately like to share with you is this — sometimes even our hardest times and most challenging experiences can prove to be gifts if we simply allow them to be.
This article was originally posted on <a target="blank" href="https://www.whenitsknotforever.com/blog/why-i-dont-regret-getting-divorced">WhenItsKnotForever.com. Kim West is a divorce coach based in Boulder, Colorado, who offers her coaching services nationwide. To learn more, follow her on Instagram_.