From their adorable mispronunciations and misunderstandings to their hilarious ability to ask random (and embarrassing!) questions at the most unexpected moments, kids have an incredible knack for keeping us entertained. That’s why there so many funny kid memes out there! For years, we’ve been collecting funny things kids say from our readers and publishing them in our print magazine, First for Women.
(If the little one in your life has said something that made you laugh, email it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org, or mail to First For Women, Laugh, 270 Sylvan Ave., Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632. You could see your “funny things kids say” in an upcoming issue!)
Better late than never?
While planning a friend’s baby shower, I told my 4-year-old daughter that I wished I’d had a shower when I was pregnant with her. She hugged me and said, “It’s okay, Mommy, you can take one now!” —Jane Walsh, High Springs, FL
A glimpse into the future
My 6-year-old granddaughter, Penny, and I were watching her 3-year-old sister play with the baby doll I had recently bought her. Out of the blue, Penny said, “I don’t know if I should have my own kids or just become a grandma and forget all of that.” —Lucie Torris, Miami
Drinking for two
I was visiting my pregnant daughter and her family one Sunday when she announced that her water broke. My 3-year-old grandson, Kyle, walked up to her with his sippy cup of water and said, “It’s okay, Mommy, you can have mine.” —Julianne Louis, Roosevelt, UT
The most magical place on Earth
I was food shopping one day when my 3-year-old, Melanie, ran off to see a display of cookies. When I caught up to her, I said, “Next time you want to go somewhere, please ask me first.” With careful thought, Melanie asked, “Okay. Can I go to Disney World?” —Dianne Mathis, Little Rock, AR
A side order of confusion
My 3-year-old great-nephew, Otto, was ordering for the first time in a restaurant. He told the server, “I want mac-and-cheese.” When the server asked him what he wanted with it, Otto looked confused and replied, “A bowl and a fork?” —Maureen Monagle
While on a long drive, I made up a game about reading out road signs to entertain my kids. We passed one that noted there was a hidden driveway ahead, and my 8-year-old, Matt, said, “Well, that ruins the surprise.” —Lisa Link, Gary, IN
Is it hot in here?
I was taking my 4-year-old, Maxine, to a party, when we got stuck in traffic. I could tell she was upset, so I told her we’d still make it. She said, “I hope so, Mommy, ‘cause I’m starting to lose my temperature!” —Kari Ryan, Chicago
My 5-year-old, Marcus, told me he had two things to tell me about his pet lizard. “You have a pet lizard?” I asked, confused. Marcus nodded and said, “Right, and the second thing is that it’s missing from my room.” —Lexie Booker, Nashville
I made garlic couscous for dinner one night, and it was a hit. My 5-year-old daughter, Melanie, particularly seemed to enjoy it. After finishing her first helping, she asked, “Mommy, can I please have more goose-goose?” —Paula Souter, Phoenix
The day after my sonogram, I was visiting my sister to show her the picture. My 4-year-old nephew, Jake, was in the room at the time and also asked to see it. In just a few seconds, he said, “Whoa! Why is it so dark in there? She needs a light!” —C.H., Bainbridge, GA
Mind your beeswax
On the way to school one morning, my 5-year-old, Will, asked me what candles are made of. “Wax,” I said. “Yuck! From our ears?” he asked. “No, from the bees,” I explained. After a moment, Will said, “I wonder how they get it out of their ears.” —J.M., Weston, MO
What’s the 411?
On the way to the store one day, my 6-year-old, Trent, asked if he could borrow my phone so he could Google something. I said, “You know, when I was your age, we didn’t have Google.” Trent thought about it, then asked, “So…you just had to use Safari or Firefox?” —Lorna Erickson, Newport, RI
Now you see it, now you don’t
The other day, I asked my 8-year-old granddaughter to stand behind the car and watch the blinger to see whether it weas working or if the light had burned out. I called out the window, “Is it working?” She answered, “Yes, it is…no, it’s not…yes, it is…no…” —N.S., Springfield, MO
I decided to book a photographer to get portraits of my kids. My 7-year-old, Amber, asked what the $100 extra charge was for. When I told her it was the sitting fee, she replied, “Would it be cheaper if we stood up?” —Donna Kaymen, Brookings, OR
The eyes have it
I had taken my 5-year-old son, Nicholas, to the doctor for his annual checkup. The physician asked a lot of questions, including how he was sleeping. Nicholas looked at him, confused, then responded, “With my eyes closed!” —Lori Hart, Boston
It’s in her genes
My energetic 4-year-old granddaughter, Zoe, was dancing around our living room one day, when I commented that she must have her mom’s dancing genes. Zoe glanced down at her pants and replied, “No, Grandma, these are my jeans!” —Cynthia Kay, Miami
My husband was watching a ballgame on TV when our 4-year-old, Ashley, walked into the room and asked, “Why aren’t they playing?” He told her, “They have a time-out.” Ashley replied, “The whole team? They must have been really bad!” —Jo Whitaker, Boston
I had picked up my 4-year-old son, Nathan, from a sleepover at my mother’s house and he was super-excited to tell me all the fun things they did together. When he finished his recap, Nathan said, “Grandma’s so good with kids! Why doesn’t she have any of her own?” —Elizabeth Cooper, Charlottesville, VA
My son and grandchildren stopped by my house for a visit the other day. After greeting my 4-year-old grandson, William, with a hug, I said, “Will, you must have grown two feet!” Puzzled, he replied, “But, Grandma, I’ve always had two feet!” —Jill Bordin, Bend, OR
My 5-year-old grandson, Michael, called his mom from his friend Eric’s house one day and confessed he had accidentally broken a vase. Then he added, “You don’t have to worry about buying another one though! Eric’s mom said it was irreplaceable.” —Joan Jordan, Boston
If you have your own funny “things kids say” to share, email them to us at email@example.com
Looking for more laughs? Then click through the links below!