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Caution: These St. Patrick’s Day Jokes MIGHT Make You Spit Out Your Guinness!

Don't forget to wear green to avoid a pinch!


Irish or not, who doesn’t love celebrating St. Patrick’s Day? Whether you’re feasting on corned beef and cabbage, knocking back a pint of green beer or looking for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, everybody’s Irish on March 17! And nothing goes better with celebrating than some good old St. Patrick’s Day jokes. We’ve compiled our favorites to keep your spirits high. So sit back, enjoy and Erin go bragh!

For more funny jokes (including our Marriage Jokes That Will Make You Laugh So Hard You’ll Fall Head Over Heels), memes and cartoons, consider subscribing to our print magazine, where we feature funnies in every issue!

Irish jokes

Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He’s Dublin over with laughter!

St. Patrick's Day Jokes: Baby in green looking like a party animal with caption, "Whoa! I think that Shamrock Shake went straight to my head!"
Amber Lunsford/EyeEm/Getty Images

Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A: Because it was too far to walk!

Q: Why do golfers have a hard time ending their game on St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Because they refuse to leave the green

Q: What do Irish people say when you tell them Bono is your favorite singer?
A: “You too?”

Q: Where can you always find gold?
A: In the dictionary!

Irish drinking jokes

Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot!

Q: What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick’s Day?

Recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness stout. Drink all of the stout. Forget about the stew.

Put it on my tab!

Sean O’Flannery, all dressed in green, ran into a posh Dublin bar on St. Patrick’s Day and hurriedly asked the bartender to pour him a dozen shots of their best whiskey. The bartender set up the dozen glasses and started filling them, while Sean quickly began downing the shots one after another.

“What’s the rush, mate?” asked the bartender.

“You’d be rushing to drink and run if you only had what I had,” said Sean as he finished the last shot.

“Why? What do you have?” asked the bartender.

“Just a single dollar bill,” said Sean as he ran out the door.

Conan O’Brien hilariously tours the Guinness Factory

Leprechaun jokes

Q: Why are leprechauns so concerned about global warming?
A: They’re really into green living!

Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they’re always a little short!

Q: Why did the leprechaun go outside?
A: To sit on his paddy-o!

Q: How do you hire a leprechaun for a job?
A: Put him on a ladder!

Bulldog in St. Patrick's Day top hat saying, "Wake me when it's Easter."
John Karpinsky/Getty Images

Shamrock jokes

Q: Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaf clover?
A: You might press your luck!

St. Patrick's Day Jokes: Cartoon of kid and mom cooking with kid saying, "I added shamrocks since you're making Irish stew."
Bob Vojtko

Celebrity St. Patrick’s Day jokes

St. Patrick's Day Jokes: "It's the day before St. Patrick's Day…or as I like to call it, St. Advil's Day." —Bette Midler
Bruce Glikas/Contributor/Getty Images
"Tonight is a great night to be Irish…and a terrible night to be an Uber driver!" —Jimmy Kimmel
Kevin Winter/Staff/Getty Images
St. Patrick's Day Jokes: "This morning I had green oatmeal for St. Patrick's Day. At least, I hope it was for St. Patrick's Day." —Ellen DeGeneres
Rodin Eckenroth/Stringer/Getty Images
St. Patrick's Day Jokes: They say there are only two kinds of peoplel on St. Patrick's Day: The Irish and the people that drive them home!" —Conan O'Brien
Michael Kovac/Contributor/Getty Images
St. Patrick's Day Jokes: "St. Patrick's Day is followed by another holiday…St. Call in to Work Sick Day." —Jimmy Fallon
Dimitrios Kambouris/Staff/Getty Images

Side-by-side St. Patrick’s Day jokes

St. Patrick's Day Jokes: Pie chart comparison of How Irish we are on the average day (10%) vs, How Irish we are on St. Patrick's Day (90%)
St. Patrick's Day Jokes: Adults' idea of a St. Patrick's Day feast (corned beef and cabbage) vs. kids' idea of a St. Patrick's Day feast (bowl of Lucky Charms)
bhofack2/Getty Images; Jenniveve84/Getty Images

For even more laughs, click through the links below!

Funny Photos That Will Crack You Up — Plus, How You Can Win a $50 Gift Card!

Jokes That Will Give You — And Your Funny Bone — A Good Workout!

Funny Dog Jokes That Will Leave You Howling with Laughter

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