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21 Wine Jokes That Will Make You Laugh So Hard You’ll Have to Pee… Again!

These funnies give new meaning to the term "happy hour"

Ahh, wine. Whether you like it white, red, pink or sparkling, there is nothing quite like cracking open a bottle and pouring yourself a glass — especially at the end of a long day or week! And countless studies prove it’s good for your health. (Click through to find 10 reasons to have a glass with dinner). Well, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, so raise a glass while you look through our funniest wine jokes, cartoons, memes and more. Just be sure you don’t laugh so hard you spit out your wine — the first rule of wine club is: Never waste a drop!

For more funny memes, jokes (including our best nurse jokes), cartoons and more, consider subscribing to our print magazine, where we feature funny jokes in every issue!

Funny how that works!

I’m a wine enthusiast… The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become!

Wine jokes: A cork screw shows off its fun dance moves

Q: What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine?
A: Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it looks like it’s not breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth!

Q: What did the grape do when someone stepped on it?
A: It let out a little wine!

A man and women talk about how wine can be used for drinking, cooking and wine jokes
Scott Masear

Q: How do you determine how much wine to drink?
A: Just take it on a case-by-case basis

A glass of wine and coffee sit on a white background

Isn’t it funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible…but 8 glasses of wine a day and we’re like, “No problem! On it!”

I used to do yoga to relieve stress… then I discovered drinking wine in yoga pants does the job just as well!

Reese Witherspoon talks about her love for wine jokes

Q: What is a woman’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: glass of wine in each hand!

Wine grapes sit all sad and wrinkly (wine jokes)

Three’s a crowd!

A man sat with his wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, as she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

The man teased, “Is that you or the wine talking?”

His wife answered, “It’s me talking to the wine.”

A women stands smiling with her mimosa- wine jokes

It’s a miracle!

A priest is sitting on a park bench mumbling to himself, when a police officer walks over. He smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and sees a wine bottle in a paper bag beside him.
He says, “Father, have you been drinking?”
Just water,” says the priest.
The officer replies, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Kelly Clarkson talks about her love for wine jokes

Doctor’s orders!

The doctor said I need to start drinking more wine… Also, I’m calling myself ‘the doctor’ now.

A bottle of wine just how easy it is to drink (wine jokes)

Good question!

Q: How much should you spend on a bottle of wine?
A: I don’t know, maybe 20 mintues?

A woman smiles while opening a bottle of wine to read wine jokes

It’s all in the branding

A man walks into a McDonald’s and orders a bottle of wine.
The cashier says, “Sir, this is McDonald’s.”
The man slaps his forehead and says, “Right! Sorry. Can I get a bottle of McWine please?”

Wine yoga

Three women do yoga and talk about wine jokes
Mark Heath

Everlasting love

A young man overheard an older gentleman at the bar talking about his 50th wedding anniversary.
The young man said, “Wow, 50 years. What’s your secret?”
The older man said, “Twice a week, we go out to a fancy dinner and drink a bottle of expensive wine. Tonight is my night. She gets Thursdays.”

A women smiles with red wine after reading wine jokes and learning how both women and wine get better with age

Be prepared!

  • I always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions, like birthdays, anniversaries.. and Wednesdays.
  • Wine is to women as duct tape is to men… It fixes everything!

Want even more laughs? Then click through the links below!

28 Diet Jokes and Cartoons So Funny You’ll Laugh Off the Weight!

21 Funny Signs Guaranteed to Make You Laugh Out Loud

20 Funny Good Morning Signs to Help You Start Your Day with a Smile

Book Jokes That Will Make You Laugh So Hard The Librarian Will Give You a Dirty Look

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