Ahh, wine. Whether you like it white, red, pink or sparkling, there is nothing quite like cracking open a bottle and pouring yourself a glass — especially at the end of a long day or week! And countless studies prove it’s good for your health. (Click through to find 10 reasons to have a glass with dinner). Well, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, so raise a glass while you look through our funniest wine jokes, cartoons, memes and more. Just be sure you don’t laugh so hard you spit out your wine — the first rule of wine club is: Never waste a drop!
Funny how that works!
I’m a wine enthusiast… The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become!
Q: What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine?
A: Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it looks like it’s not breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth!
Q: What did the grape do when someone stepped on it?
A: It let out a little wine!
Q: How do you determine how much wine to drink?
A: Just take it on a case-by-case basis
Isn’t it funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible…but 8 glasses of wine a day and we’re like, “No problem! On it!”
I used to do yoga to relieve stress… then I discovered drinking wine in yoga pants does the job just as well!
Q: What is a woman’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: glass of wine in each hand!
Three’s a crowd!
A man sat with his wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, as she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
The man teased, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
His wife answered, “It’s me talking to the wine.”
It’s a miracle!
A priest is sitting on a park bench mumbling to himself, when a police officer walks over. He smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and sees a wine bottle in a paper bag beside him.
He says, “Father, have you been drinking?”
Just water,” says the priest.
The officer replies, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
The doctor said I need to start drinking more wine… Also, I’m calling myself ‘the doctor’ now.
Q: How much should you spend on a bottle of wine?
A: I don’t know, maybe 20 mintues?
It’s all in the branding
A man walks into a McDonald’s and orders a bottle of wine.
The cashier says, “Sir, this is McDonald’s.”
The man slaps his forehead and says, “Right! Sorry. Can I get a bottle of McWine please?”
A young man overheard an older gentleman at the bar talking about his 50th wedding anniversary.
The young man said, “Wow, 50 years. What’s your secret?”
The older man said, “Twice a week, we go out to a fancy dinner and drink a bottle of expensive wine. Tonight is my night. She gets Thursdays.”
- I always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions, like birthdays, anniversaries.. and Wednesdays.
- Wine is to women as duct tape is to men… It fixes everything!
Want even more laughs? Then click through the links below!