Dealing with the in-laws can be stressful, especially when you’re in labor. However, one husband has made headlines after he insisted that his parents be in the delivery room with them, despite his wife’s wishes. “I’m pregnant and my husband is forcing me to let his parents in the delivery room, but I don’t want that. What should I do?” a woman posted on the question-and-answer site Quora. Cue the (rightful) internet outrage.
Over 100 people have replied to the original message and leaped to the woman’s defense. Margaret Challen posted, “Your husband should have accepted your refusal the first time around. The fact that he keeps bringing it up suggests that you sticking up for yourself, whether it works or not, is going to cause you stress you really don’t need at this point in your pregnancy. So I say punt the decision to someone in authority. Then, if your husband and in-laws want to be mad at someone, they can be mad at your doctor instead of you.” Another responder named Sharon Kauffman said, “The delivery room is not a place for a social gathering.”
Some took a more diplomatic take, like Svetlana Miller, who offered advice on how to approach the situation. “You might try, ‘I’m going to experience what you can choose to see as either a medical experience or a spiritual one or both. In either case, this is medically and spiritually my decision — and I choose not to have your parents in the room at that particular time. I realize that becoming a father is a spiritual experience for you too, and if it would be meaningful to you to have your parents around, that’s your decision. You are welcome to carry our babies into the waiting room, assuming the doctors say they are healthy enough, and to celebrate with your parents there. Please understand that this has no bearing on how I perceive your parents as grandparents; it’s not establishing any sort of precedent, since I don’t intend to have my vagina on display at any other family occasions. OK.’ And if he says ‘No,’ then start financially and mentally preparing yourself for some gut-wrenching decisions down the road.”
Even some men were quick to take her side. “Any man that goes against his wife’s request, especially in a situation like this, well, he wouldn’t even be in the delivery room. He and his mommy and daddy can sit out in the waiting room and wait for the results. We’re just asked to leave the hospital because it’s undue stress on the mother, and I mean the mother of the child, not his mommy,” one commentor wrote. “Can you even imagine what it’s going to be like in that house once the baby is born?” he added. Another man, dad Peter T. Mayer, drew from his own experience. “I was inside the room twice when my wife gave birth to my daughters, and I saw the struggle and the pain. The mother should feel comfortable with the people inside the room and therefore, it should be the mom deciding who she allows into the room.”
But not all grandmothers-to-be are nightmarish. Reddit user Martella71 said that when her daughter kicked her out of the delivery room, she didn’t take it personally. Instead, she went over to their house to make sure their home was ready for the new baby. “I’ve been here cleaning and preparing freezer meals since then, and when I’m done, I’ll clean up the kitchen, feed the dogs again, and be on my way. When my grandchild is born, they’ll let me know. I’ll only come to the hospital if they ask, and I certainly won’t come here unless they ask… I’ve seen too many stories of overbearing grandmothers, and I won’t be that.” Looks like that husband may want to reconsider his request.
This article was written by Alex Lilly. For more, check out our sister site, Now to Love.