Actress Jada Pinkett Smith has gotten a lot of questions about the turbans she’s been wearing recently, and she’s ready to talk about it. She’s been “having issues with hair loss,” as she revealed in this week’s episode of her new Facebook show Red Table Talks, in which she was joined by her mother Adrienne Banfield-Norris and her daughter Willow Smith.
“I’m gonna tell you, it was terrifying when it started,” Smith told her relatives. “I was in the shower one day, and then [I had] just handfuls of hair in my hands. And I was just like, ‘Oh my God, am I going bald?’ It was one of those times in my life where I was literally shaking in fear.”
The 46-year-old continued, “I had a lot of hair — thick, thick, thick — to the point where people thought I had weaves. They were like, ‘That’s not her hair,’ and I was like, ‘Yes, it is.’ And my hair has been a big part of me. Taking care of my hair has been a beautiful ritual, and having the choice to have hair or not. And then, one day, to be like, ‘Oh my God, I might not have that choice anymore.'”
Smith said she has gotten “every kind of test there is to have,” but no one could tell her why she’s losing hair. Some say stress is the culprit, and others say the actress has alopecia, an autoimmune skin disease.
Eventually, however, the Gotham alum made her peace with her new normal. “Even in my terror, and even in my fear, [I had to think], ‘Why are you so terrified of losing your hair?’ I really had to put it into a spiritual perspective. The higher power takes so much from people. People are out here who have cancer. People have sick children. I watch the higher power take things every day,” Smith said.
“And by golly, if the higher power wants to take your hair? That’s it? God, you want my hair? When I looked at it from that perspective, it really did settle me,” Smith continued. “When I had to think about, what else would you lose? What else would you put on the table for God to take? Take the hair! Take it!” Not only has she come to that place of peace, but now she loves wearing turbans. “When my hair is wrapped,” she told her mom, “I feel like a queen.”
This article originally appeared on our sister site, Closer Weekly.