What Is a Dark Empath? How to Identify and Protect Yourself From Their Manipulation

We often form the strongest connections with people who truly “get us.” These people are usually the first to get excited over your good news and the first to listen when you’re feeling down. But have you ever known someone who claims to care about your feelings but leaves often leaves you feeling insecure or anxious? That person might have a dark empath personality.

To help understand a dark empath, we spoke with Jason Walker, Psy.D., Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Associate Professor at Adler University. He explains their unique traits, their impact on others and how to recognize and respond to them.

What is a dark empath and how do they manipulate others?

The dark empath personality exhibits a combination of empathy and complex personality traits. While empathy is usually seen as positive, dark empaths use it for personal gain instead of truly helping others.

According to Dr. Walker, dark empathy is most commonly seen in naturally caring females. “[Dark empaths] understand others’ emotions (cognitive empathy) but lack emotional connection (affective empathy), allowing them to manipulate while appearing caring, ingratiating, or charming,” he explains. “Their ‘kindness’ is not genuine; it is a mask mimicking a means to an end to benefit themselves.”

It’s important to note that dark empathy is a relatively new term and is currently not recognized as a psychological condition by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). As with many psychological disorders, there is no exact cause, although genetic or environmental factors may play a role. 

What is the dark triad?

Dark empathy is closely linked to the dark triad psychological theory. “The dark triad encompasses three connected personality characteristics: narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy,” says Dr. Walker. “These qualities are defined by harmful conduct towards others, lack of compassion and emphasis on one’s benefit at the expense of others — where there is a lack of empathy.” 

Below Dr. Walker breaks down each personality trait:

• Narcissism: “Self-importance and a craving for praise.”
• Machiavellianism: “Revolves around manipulation for profit.”
• Psychopathy: “Impulsive behavior and the absence of guilt”

Key traits of dark empaths

“Dark empaths use compassion as a tool for control, making them harder to spot but potentially more dangerous in personal and professional settings,” says Dr. Walker. However, there are key traits to look for if you think you’ve engaged with a dark empath. 

1. Sensitivity and understanding: Dark empaths are perceptive and can pick up on others’ feelings well. This means they usually come off as understanding and caring, yet maintain emotional distance to exert control in their relationships.
2. Charisma and charm: With good social skills, dark empaths often come across as extroverted and charismatic, making them influential in social settings.
3. Manipulation: Dark empaths often use their empathic abilities to manipulate situations or people to their advantage. This comes in the form of gaslighting, guilt-tripping and lying, making others feel misunderstood.

How do dark empaths differ from narcissists and psychopaths? “Dark empaths use emotional intelligence to manipulate subtly, making them more socially adept than narcissists or psychopaths,” explains Dr. Walker. While narcissists seek out validation, they often do so without caring about others. Psychopaths, Dr. Walker adds, “lack empathy entirely, acting impulsively on antisocial behavior.”

How to recognize dark empath behavior 

Initially, it may be difficult to realize you formed a connection with a dark empath, given their initial charm. But over time, how you feel when you’re around them can be a major indicator that the relationship isn’t healthy.

These impacts include:

• Increased anxiety
• Self-doubt
• Insecurity
• Traumatization 

Protect yourself from dark empaths’ manipulation tactics 

“Interacting with dark empaths requires a careful, strategic approach,” says Dr. Walker. He advises keeping the following in mind for a positive and healthy dynamic:

1. Establish healthy boundaries: “It’s paramount to be mindful of their motivations and set clear boundaries to avoid being drawn into emotional manipulation.”Always be assertive if you feel your emotions are being taken advantage of.
2. Keep interactions professional: “Because [dark empaths] may lack genuine emotional depth, it is wise to focus on facts, keep interactions professional and steer clear of personal or emotional discussions.” Dr. Walker recommends using “I” statements, which help maintain control. Maintaining a sense of autonomy can prevent over-dependence on a dark empath. 
3. Foster a transparent environment: “Dark empaths often thrive in ambiguity, where they can manipulate narratives. Creating clear expectations and encouraging open dialogue can reduce their influence.”