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Marriage Jokes That Will Make You Laugh So Hard You’ll Fall Head over Heels

Love is patient, love is kind, love is…hilarious!

Ah, wedded bliss! Marriage is wonderful: When you get married, you get a built-in dinner-and-a-movie date and a never-ending dose of unconditional love, not to mention another whole family! But marriage is nothing without a healthy dose of laughter. And when it comes to wedded bliss, there’s plenty to laugh about! So we’ve gathered our funniest marriage jokes ever. And we guarantee that no matter your relationship status — from single to married to “it’s complicated” — you will not be able to stifle your giggles.

For more funny jokes (including our Exercise Jokes That Will Give You — And Your Funny Bone — A Good Workout!), cartoons and memes, consider subscribing to our print magazine, where we feature funny jokes in every issue!

Now, on to our best marriage jokes:

What’s cookin’?

Marriage jokes: Wife says, "Do you want dinner?" Husband asks, "What are my choices?" Wife says, "Yes or no."

Marriage is all about compromise

Cartoon of couple in bed with man smushed in mattress and wife saying, "This new adjustable mattress really does stop your snoring!"
Chris Wildt

And it all begins well before the wedding!

Marriage jokes: There are 3 rings in marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the catering!

Every dog has his day!

Golden retrievers in wedding tux and gown with caption, "Told you she wasn't out of my league!"

A little help?

Marriage jokes: Marriage counselor asks, "What brings you here today?" Wife says, "My husband takes everything so literally. I can't stand it anymore." Husband says, "My truck."

How many throw pillows is too many?

Cartoon of husband on a huge pile of throw pillows and wife saying, "Get down from there…you've made your point."
Dan Walsh

Preparation is everything

Marriage jokes: “Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage… they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” —Rita Rudner

Movie night!

Woman's idea of a cozy movie night in (The Notebook) vs. Man's idea of a cozy movie night in (Rambo)
New Line Cinema/; Carolco Pictures/TriStar Pictures/

Ain’t that the truth?!

Marriage jokes: Marriage is full of surprises, but it's most just asking each other, "Do you have to do that right now?!"

Sign us up!

Marriage jokes: “A man in Canada has pled guilty to trespassing into a home and doing laundry and feeding the owner’s cat. The man is being described by authorities as marriage material.”  
—Conan O’Brien

Out of the mouths of babes!

Kids say the funniest thing: My son, Isaac, was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would stop every few feet, put his hands up like claws and roar. The crowd was near tears from laughing, but Isaac couldn’t understand why. When I 
asked what he was doing, he said, 
“I was being the ring bear.”
—Jeanette Meyer, Cheyenne, WY

For even more laughs, click through the links below!

Funny Photos That Will Crack You Up — Plus, How You Can Win $50!

19 Church Signs That Will Make You Laugh So Loud, You’ll Be Ushered to the Back Pew

Funny Dog Jokes That Will Leave You Howling with Laughter

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