Getting your husband to pull his weight when it comes to household chores can feel like an eternal struggle. So stop asking him to help, one relationship expert says. It just might save your marriage.
"Whenever we start off a question with, 'How can I get someone to do more of this?' we've started off on the wrong foot," family and relationship therapist Hal Runkel tells Business Insider. "Because already, we're trying to get manipulative, literally trying to manipulate this other person to do what we actually need them to do. And it will always backfire."
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Just like the kids, it's likely that your partner will push back against your demands because, let's face it, no one likes being told what to do. And if you really think about it, do you want to have to ask your husband to help out every single time? Wouldn't it be better if you trained him to actually want to do his fair share?
The way you phrase a request is a big part in changing your husband's mindset when it comes to helping out around the house. Communication is key, says Runkel. Sharing a personal anecdote, Runkel explains how his wife framed her request in a way that made him want to do what she asked.
"You're a grown man. I'm not going to tell you to make the bed," she said, but then she added, "I'm just letting you know that when you don't make the bed, it makes it harder for me to want to climb back in that bed with you later that night."
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And you know what? Runkel realized he had a totally new reason to make the bed. Better yet, his wife's honesty opened up a candid channel of communication. Runkel was able to tell his wife he didn't like making the bed in the first place because they had too many throw pillows.
One simple change can alter the way you and your husband take care of things around the house, and it can make your relationship so much stronger!
h/t Business Insider
Married in 1988, these two have been together for a whopping 28 years. They have four children.
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